A New Family
by kirstenann15
Summary: This is about how Peeta finally convinced Katniss to have kids and a little afterwards. There is a lot going on because neither of them are sure what they want and it takes some Capitol interference to help them realize what is truly important-each other. I really truly am terrible at titles and summaries so don't let this ruin it for you.
1. Chapter 1

*Disclaimer* Suzanne Collins owns all rights to everything. This isn't my own.

Constructive criticism is very helpful and I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

**Katniss's POV**

Before I even look in his direction I know I don't want to hear it. I can hear his knee thumping the table rhythmically. _Thump, thump, thump thump. Thump, thump, thump thump. _

"What is it Peeta?" I ask, despite knowing the answer already.

"Katniss, please. You know how badly I want—"

"I know, I know. But I _can't_ Peeta. Don't you see?"

It takes him a minute to respond. "But you love me, right?"

"Of course I love you. That's for sure."

"Then why?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I grab my bow and arrow and walk out the front door.

_He doesn't get it,_ I think to myself. _Everyone I loved, I failed. I don't want to take that chance. It's not that I don't love him. I don't not want kids for a selfish reason. I don't want to fail him. I don't want to fail our kids. I would make a terrible mother. An awful mother. He just doesn't understand._

Before I know it, I'm at the lake. The warm early summer breeze ruffles my hair and I stop. I just want to be alone. This is the place I'm truly at home. Flashbacks hit me of my father singing in the woods. Of Prim, telling me she was going to be a doctor. Rue, asking me to sing to her. Gale, mouthing for me to shoot him. And of Peeta, trying to strangle me. The wind makes the water ripple. It's almost sunset. Peeta's favorite time of day. I can't help but feel longing for him.

_Stop it, Katniss,_ I think. _You're supposed to be mad at him._

I gather my things and head towards the fence. I spot a turkey and I shoot him, so that I feel this venture was at least semi-productive. I shimmy under the fence, thankful it's no longer charged.


	2. Chapter 2

**Peeta's POV**

"Way to go Peeta," I say to myself. _Well what did you expect? _I thought. I remember all the other times I tried to talk to her about it. Our honeymoon. That was a good one.

"Hey, Katniss," I started as we laid in bed, our legs intertwined with her hands in mine.

"Yes baby?"

"You know how I want kids?" She dropped her hands.

"We're not doing it Peeta," she had said sternly.

"Please. You don't have to worry. There are no more Games," I had pleaded.

"I know you how badly you want them, but I just can't do it." She turned away from me.

And there was the time a few years ago when it was snowing out.

"Katniss… We're snowed in and we don't have any firewood," I had said suggestively.

"We'll just have to keep warm with each other then," she had said, curling up next to me on the sofa.

"The best way to share body heat is naked."

"Okay, baby. Just a minute."

I had really thought I had it but she came back with a little package. I guess I was wrong.

"But Katniss," I had pleaded.

"Peeta, you know better."

And last summer. We were laying in bed, with the windows open, just the way I like it.

"Katniss," I had whispered, turning towards her.

"Yes?"

"Can we…?"

"Oh, Peeta. I know what you're trying to do," she had confessed.

"Please?"

"I don't want them. I'm sorry."

And then just last month.

"Katniss, could you come here for a minute?" I had said, pulling a loaf of cheese bread out of the oven, hoping her favorite food would help.

"Sure," she had replied, walking into the kitchen.

"Have some. It's hot, though," I had started, gesturing at the fresh cheese bread.

"Mmmm…" she had mumbled. "You're the best."

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Not about kids again."

"Oh, well. Actually I was hoping…"

"No."

"Your biological clock is ticking. We won't have much time if you change your mind," I had pointed out.

"_Peeta_. I can't believe you would comment on my age like that!"

"I didn't mean it like—" but she cut me off.

"Sorry Peeta but it's just not happening," she had muttered as she stormed out of the room.

_You should know by now_¸I think to myself. _It's just not happening. _I pull the ingredients for cake out of the cabinets. I bake cakes when I need to think. As I turn the oven on, I change my mind. This calls for painting. I turn the oven back off, hang up my apron and go to the office. I begin mixing colors, thinking about how I could get her to say yes.

The yellows and oranges of the sky fade to a deep purple and Katniss still isn't home. I'm beginning to get worried. I creep downstairs and just as I'm opening the front door to go looking for her, she bursts through the door, knocking me down.

"Oh, Peeta! I'm so sorry!" she drops her bow and arrow to lift the dead turkey off of my chest and puts her hand on my paint-streaked forehead.

"It's okay. Really, I'm fine."

"Come on, let's go to bed. It's getting late," she says as she takes my hand and lifts me up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Katniss's POV**

I drag Peeta up the stairs, wishing he weren't so heavy. I tell him to put on some clean nightclothes and get in bed while I clean up the mess he caused.

I rush down the stairs, taking them two at a time until I'm in the foyer. I pick up the nasty turkey and shut it in the pantry after washing it. _That was a waste, _I think to myself. It will only go bad and get thrown away in the morning.

When I get upstairs, Peeta is sound asleep, right in the middle of the bed. _Great. Now I have to somehow fit into that minor space he left me._ I pull a thin nightgown out of the dresser and pull it over my head. I crawl into bed, gently shoving Peeta's arms and legs out of my way. I stroke his hair and whisper, "Peeta. I love you a lot. I love it when we're together. When you make me cheese buns. When you kiss me on the cheek. When you hold me during my nightmares. I love you to death Peeta. I want your children. I want you to be happy. But I just can't handle it. I wouldn't be fit to raise children. I'm sorry." I kiss him and try to get some sleep.

I wake up to find the curtains pulled open and the sunlight streaming in. The bed is cold besides me. Peeta must be up. I get out of bed and look in the mirror. _I'm a mess,_ I think. I rebraid my hair and go to the bathroom. When I reach the stairs I smell cinnamon buns. I lick my lips just thinking about it. I quicken my pace.

"Good morning sunshine," Peeta smiles at me, wiping his hands on his apron. "How'd you sleep?"

"No nightmares," I grin.

"Cinnamon buns?"

"Yes please!" I cheer, taking a seat at the table. Peeta gives me a huge cinnamon bun and sets a second plate for himself across from me.

"Katniss…About yesterday," he says sheepishly.

"Peeta, I understand how badly you want them. But you need to understand how badly I can't have them. Is that okay?"

"I guess," he mutters through a mouthful of cinnamon-y goodness.

"Great."


	4. Chapter 4

**Peeta's POV**

Watching her eat the golden cinnamon bun makes me realize, if she's happy, then I'm happy. All I care about is her happiness and my selfish wants shouldn't get in the way. Right? But I want them. So badly, you can't even imagine. Just then Haymitch comes wobbling through the front, either still drunk or already drunk. I can't tell. His once-white shirt is now stained yellow and he has a half-empty bottle of some sort of liquor in his hand.

"Hey sweetheart," he slurs, looking directly at Katniss.

"Haymitch! Are you drunk already?" she exclaims looking up at him.

"Still from yesterday," he responds.

"Katniss, I'll be back. Come on Haymitch, let's get you cleaned up," I say as I drag Haymitch back outside and lead him to his house.

I open the front door of his house, prepared for the disgusting stench I know is lurking inside. I tell Haymitch to sit down while I get him some fresh clothes. Coming downstairs, I see he has already passed out. I hang the clothes over a chair and quietly leave.

"What was that about?" Katniss asks when I come home.

"I don't know. It's a different Haymitch this morning. In the time it took me to get some clothes he had already passed out cold in the kitchen."

"Strange," she replies. "Peeta. I want to talk to you."

"What about?"

"I want to have kids."

"Are you serious?" I'm so giddy I can barely contain my excitement.

"But I need you to know why I can't have them. "

"Let me get this straight. You _want_ kids but you _don't_. "

"Yes. I want them, but I can't handle them."

"But why?" I am so confused. If she wants kids, why can't we have them?

"You don't understand," she says and runs upstairs. I'm tempted to follow her but know I shouldn't. Instead, I clean up breakfast.


	5. Chapter 5

**Katniss's POV**

Once I'm upstairs I go to our room, lock the door and fall into the bed. Why can't I just tell him how I feel? I pick at the hole in the quilt. I begin to cry, quiet ugly sobs. If I can't tell my husband how I feel, who can ever understand me? Who can I tell? I love Peeta. I so desperately want to make him happy but I can't be happy if I have kids. I can remember the way my mother looked when Prim was born. She was happy. Her coal-stained face was tired-looking but she was so happy to hold a cute little baby in her arms. Don't I want that? What if they turn into me? I'm too stubborn. I'm beginning to feel bad for my mother now. I must've been a terrible child. Finally I gather my wits and get my sorry butt out of bed. I straighten it up and go to the chest where I keep my few keepsakes. I open the drawer and pull out the parachute. Wrapped inside is a spiel and a pearl. I remember when Finnick and I put our green faces in Peeta's. I missed Finnick a lot. And the pearl. The Quarter Quell may have been hellish but I have some fond memories. I wonder how Annie and their son are doing. I'm sure Annie must be happy with him, right?

I hear a soft knock on the door. "Katniss?" Peeta calls quietly.

I open the door and hug him. "Oh, Peeta! I'm so selfish. If you really want kids we can have them!"

"No Katniss. I'm the selfish one. You don't want kids and I need to respect that," he whispers as he strokes my hair. "Really. I just want you to be happy."

I bury my head in his chest and he carries me the short distance to the bed. He sets me down and then lies in bed next to me. I put my hand on his chest and look up at his penetrating blue eyes. "I love you," I murmur as I fall into sleep.

When I wake up from my nap, I take a shower and think about what _I_ want. Not what Peeta wants. Not what I want for Peeta. But what I want. He's right, isn't he? There are no more games, my original reason for not wanting kids. But I don't really want kids. I just want to please Peeta. But I can't do that. Not for him. Not for anyone. I would fail him and our kids. They would leave me just all the ones I loved. Gale, with his fancy job in District 2. Mother, staying in 13. And Prim, dying in the awful explosion with so many other children. My father, blown to bits in the mining accident. Rue, laying in the arena surrounded with flowers. Madge, blown up in District 12's obliteration. All of them, where I can't reach them. Do I want that to happen to my children? To Peeta? I step out of the shower and dry off. I put on some pants and a soft shirt. I open the bathroom door to find Peeta standing there.

"_Peeta!_ What are you doing?" I exclaim. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"I'm…I'm sorry," he stammers. "I just need to talk to you."

"I already said I don't want to hear it, okay? Get it through your thick skull that it isn't happening!"

"But you said…"

"I thought you said you understand that I don't want kids."

"But I thought you said you want them," he says, obviously confused.

"Listen Peeta. I did some thinking in the shower . And what I want is to not have kids.I need to make myself happy first."

"But Katniss!" he calls after me as I leave the house before he can see the tears.

I don't know where I'm going but I just walk and walk and walk until I'm in what used to be town. I look around and see where the Hob was and the Mellark's Bakery. I fall onto the ashen ground and cry, loudly. I must look like a crazy person but I don't care. I'm a failure. I'm a mess. I can't make myself happy, I can't make my husband happy. I can't make anyone happy so why should I bother?

"Excuse me, ma'am?" a small voice says softly.

I slow my crying to a whimper. "What?" I look up. It's a little boy, blond hair and blue eyes. Like Peeta when he tossed me the bread that saved my life. Peeta. I begin to bawl again.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm…fine," I manage to squeak out. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and it's then that he recognizes me.

"You're—you're Katniss Mellark!" he exclaims.

"Yes, I am," I sigh.

"My aunt talks about you sometimes."

"Your—your aunt?" I wonder who would waste their time talking about _me_.

"Yep. My aunt Delly just loves you. She was good friends with your husband."

"Really? She does?" Delly always makes people seem better than they actually are. It's not fair for her to be so nice!

"She goes on and on about how you saved Panem."

"I didn't exactly save Panem. And so many lives could've been spared if I hadn't done what I'd done." _Finnick, _I think.

"Yeah, you did! You were the mockingjay!"

I stand up. "Let's take you home."


	6. Chapter 6

**Peeta's POV**

_Dammit Peeta. You're an idiot. She's crazy. She doesn't know what she wants and until then you should just stop trying!_ I think to myself. I need to make her feel better. I don't know how to make her say yes. I don't even know how to seduce her. We've been married 10 years and it's not like we haven't had sex before. She always makes me use a condom so that she doesn't get pregnant. She knows how much she doesn't want any. She'll do anything to make sure we don't have kids unless it's on her terms. I love her and want to her to be happy. I'm too overcome with emotion. _What's something she likes to do? Somewhere she likes to go. She likes the woods. Could we go to the woods together? Maybe then she would be okay with it, when she sees that I understand her. I'd make a great father, right? And she'd be the best mother. But she just doesn't see it._

I want a child. I thought she said she wants a child. But then she doesn't. She makes no sense. She's hot then she's cold. I want her to want children but I don't even know. I'm overcome with so many emotions. I'm angry, confused, frustrated. I love Katniss but she can't see it. _I'll paint her a beautiful picture_, I decide.

Upstairs, I put on an old shirt of mine and being mixing colors. I mix a primary blue with this amazing purple to make a perfect night sky. I paint her and me, lying beside each other in the meadow. She's pointing at a star that is brighter than the rest. Her head, decorated with its usual long braid, is on my shoulder. I'm looking at her face like I've never seen anything more beautiful. And it's true. She is perfection. Just as I'm finishing up, I hear footsteps downstairs. I change back into what I was wearing before and wipe my painted face down.

"Peeta?" Katniss calls.

"Coming!"

"Oh Peeta," Katniss gushes as she rushes to me. She wraps her arms around me and kisses me. She kisses me with more and more passion each second. I have to pull away.

"Katniss, what is this about?" I ask.

"Oh Peeta. I saw a little boy," she gasps. "Delly's nephew, actually. He looks just like you and I realized how much I love you. And I can't keep you from what you really want. He was so sweet and I think I want a baby. But I only _think_. I don't guarantee or promise anything, okay?"

"Oh Katniss," I murmur as I pull her into me.

"Peeta," she whispers before we fall into a warm, silent embrace. I don't want this moment to end. Only it has to. She pulls out of my arms and looks me in the eyes. I naturally divert my gaze. She moves my head so I have to look into her eyes. "I love you. I want a child with you. But I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt our kids. I'm sorry, okay? I wish I could but…I know you don't understand but you do know how private my feelings are. I'll explain on my own terms, okay?"

"Okay." I kiss the top of her head.

"And Peeta," she says. "Stop making such good food. I'm starting to gain weight." Katniss winks.

She's all I've ever wanted. Since I was five, I've been in love with her. Always. But I need to keep her happy. I smile at the staircase and follow Katniss to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys thanks for the positive reviews, I feel so loved. (: but can you make at least _some_ constructive criticism? I can't get any better unless you help. Thanks!

**Katniss's POV**

Lying in bed next to Peeta is one of the most comforting things to me. I enjoy just lying there, looking around, observing my surroundings. The moonlight shines through the open window onto the bed, forming a square of light on the slightly tattered quilt I tried to make us. I know the only reason we use it is because Peeta knows how hard I tried and doesn't want to hurt me. I'd never let him know that I'm onto him, though. The crooked stitches glisten in the light. On the nightstand next to me are a book I'd never touched and a baby blue lamp. _Baby. Ugh I don't want to think about babies right now._ Opposite the bed is our dresser. It's mahogany. Thinking about mahogany brings back pleasant memories. But if I follow them too far… it's nightmares. On top of the dresser sets my small chest with keepsakes. Next to the dresser is Peeta's easel. It's then that I notice, there is a painting on it. It's me and Peeta. It's me and Peeta, lying beside each other in the meadow. I'm pointing at a star that is brighter than the rest. My head, decorated with its usual long braid, is on his shoulder. He's looking at my face like he's never seen anything more beautiful. I love it. I'm tempted to wake Peeta up but know I shouldn't. I lay flat on my back and fall into a peaceful slumber.

In the morning, I'm up before Peeta so I put on some hunting clothes and head to the woods. I shimmy under the fence and climb into a tree my arrow poised to shoot. It's early enough that there might be some deer. I decide this is a good time to think about having kids. My mind is made up but I need to be able to tell Peeta. Why can't I open myself up to people? I notice a deer out of the corner of my eye. I turn slowly and quietly so I can shoot it. When I release the arrow, I miss the deer. I never miss. _All these baby thoughts are making everything different, _I think. I hear footsteps behind me. I slowly turn, because I don't have a clue who it could be and because I don't want to fall out of the tree.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he says.

"But why are you in 12?"

"That doesn't matter. Are you okay? I saw you miss that doe back there. You never miss."

"But…it doesn't make sense," I say.

"What is it, Catnip?"

"Peeta…he wants children. And I understand why but he doesn't seem to understand why I _don't_ want any," I fill him in on how Peeta and I have been managing with the child debate and he just listens.

"You need to tell him how you feel."

"But I don't know how!"

"You should've been in love with me. I would already know and never try to push anything on you."

"You never should've killed Prim."

"I didn't! I mean, it was a bomb I designed but…"

"Listen. I miss you. And I loved you. But only like a brother. I could never see you any other way." I shimmy down from the tree and head toward the fence. "You shouldn't be here. Go back to your new life so I can go back to mine."

"Katniss!" he calls after me.

I turn back, "Sorry, Gale but I have to go."


	8. Chapter 8

**Peeta's POV**

When I wake up, Katniss isn't in bed besides me. I wonder if she noticed the painting. I hope so. I pad downstairs in my stocking feet, hoping she's made some breakfast. When I get downstairs I see that she isn't here. _She must've gone for a walk or hunting_, I assume. Since she isn't around I go upstairs to take a shower. In the middle of shampooing my hair I hear the front door slam shut. Katniss is home. I hurriedly finish showering and put on an old button-down shirt of mine and some jeans.

"Peeta?" Katniss calls, like she always does when she gets home.

"I'll be down in a minute!"

"I made some tea, no sugar for you."

"Thank you," I say taking the hot mug from her hand.

"The weirdest thing just happened to me," she began. "I was up in a tree in the woods and I spotted a doe, so I shot at it. _But I missed it._ I mean, that never happens. So I just figured it was because I was preoccupied with thinking about having kids. But I sensed someone was behind me. I turned around and there was _Gale_. Of all people! I mean, the woods were a special place for us but with him in 2 now and everything, it didn't add up. I'm so confused. Do you think it was my imagination?"

"You're right. That is _really_ weird. I don't know why he would be here."

"I wish there was someone here that knew Gale the way I did. I know there's Hazelle and she would know if he were actually here and why but…"

"It's Tuesday, right? She should be cleaning up at Haymitch this afternoon. Why don't you go ask her if he's here?" I suggest.

"I guess I will," she says, standing up from the wooden kitchen table. I watch her as she rinses her empty mug and sets it on the counter. I observe the way her body curves and bends. I can't stop looking at her. "Peeta? Are you okay?" she asks, noticing that I'm staring at her.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just spacing out."

"Okay then," she says as if I were a crazy person or a child, patting my arm as she passes. She would make a wonderful mother but she just can't seem to see it. I suppose most perfect people don't see perfection in themselves.


	9. Chapter 9

**Katniss's POV**

I go upstairs to shower and brush my teeth, so that I look presentable for Hazelle. I wonder how Posy's doing. And Vick and Rory. Hazelle loves her kids so much. She's a great mother. I wish I could be like her. I put my hair into its standard braid and throw on a soft green cotton dress. I don't normally wear dresses but I just feel like it today, for some unknown reason. I skip downstairs, strangely happy. I kiss Peeta gently on the lips before heading out the door to Haymitch's.

Outside, the warm summer breeze rustles my hair as I make the short trek down the gravel lane to Haymitch's house. I knock softly before walking in anyway. "Hello?" I call.

"Katniss? Is that you?" I hear Hazelle's voice coming from the kitchen.

"Hello Hazelle. How are you?" I ask, entering the kitchen. Hazelle is mopping the floor. The house is mostly clean and silent except for the scrubbing of the mop.

"Oh Katniss, dear! How good to see you!" she says as she leans the mop against the counter.

"I've missed you."

"We've all missed you."

"How's the kids?"

"Oh they're doing good. Posy's moving onto high school soon, Vick and Rory are at work now actually."

"Has it really been that long?" I can't believe the last time I saw Posy she was so little.

"Yes, and Gale came home yesterday for a visit."

"Actually, that's why I came to see you."

"He told me he saw you in the woods. I feel much better knowing that you two don't have to worry about getting caught anymore."

I'm touched by her concern for my safety. "I thought I was hallucinating!" I laugh.

Hazelle smiles and responds, "I know he prefers District 2 over 12 because of the bad memories here but it's so far away and I can't communicate with him. We don't have a phone you know, and mail takes ages to get there."

"You can use our phone anytime you want," I promise her.

"How's Peeta doing?"

"Good. He just won't relent on the child debate, though."

"Child debate?"

"You know how I don't want kids?"

"Oh Katniss, I thought you'd outgrow that eventually!"

"But he wants them so badly and he won't stop pestering me about it. I want him to be happy and I know he'll never truly be happy until we have some little Peetas and Katnisses running around. I just can't do it," I explain.

"Listen to me. You know what he wants but don't let that affect what _you_ want. You should listen to your heart and—" Just then Haymitch walks into the room, surprisingly sober. "I'm trying to get him to cut down on his alcohol intake," Hazelle whispers.

"Hey sweetheart. What a surprise to see you!" he says.

"Yeah, well I needed to talk to Hazelle about Gale and Peeta and life," I reply.

"You already picked which one you wanted, I thought," Haymitch says, reaching for a bottle of alcohol.

"I did, now excuse me, I should get going," I say as I back out of the kitchen. "Goodbye Hazelle! Take care! Haymitch." I nod my head.

"Bye sweetheart!" he calls after me. I roll my eyes as I step outside into the fresh air. _So Gale is in 12. But why? I can't believe I forgot to Hazelle why._

I open the front door to our house and see Peeta frosting a beautiful cake.

"Shit," he mutters under his breath. "You weren't supposed to be home yet!"

"Yeah, well Haymitch was sober and I didn't know to react other than leave," I answer.

"Well go upstairs so I can finish this, okay?"

"Alright then," I agree. Upstairs, I go over this newfound information. Why did Gale come to see me? I don't understand.

"You can come down now!" I hear Peeta call. I oblige.

"Oh Peeta it's beautiful! I love it!" It's just one layer but the edge is covered in soft pink frosting primroses. On the top it says "I love you". I want to cry. "I-I love you too," I murmur as a single tear rolls down my cheek. I brush it away before any more decide to follow.

"Katniss, I want you to be happy and if no kids is what makes you happy, then I'm happy." He stretches his arms out and I come into a hug.

"But you won't be happy. I know you want them. I talked to Hazelle and I think…I think I want children."

"Katniss," he whispers into the top of my head. "You don't. And that's okay."

I lean back to see a tear soaked shirt in front of me. "Oh Peeta. I love you. I really want kids, honest."

"Okay," he murmurs, kissing my head.

I burrow into his shirt. "Are we going to eat this cake or…?" I say to his chest.

"Of course," he says, letting go of me. He cuts a huge piece for each of us and we sit across from each other at the kitchen table. "So, how was it with Hazelle?" he asks.

"I'm not crazy," I say through a mouthful of cake.

"Manners!" he says, imitating Effie Trinket, the former District 12 escort. I giggle. "So Gale _is _in 12 then?" he asks in a more serious voice.

"Yeah, but I still don't know why." Just then, there's a knock on the door. "I'll get it," I say.

"Hey there Catnip."

"Hello Gale," I say tensely. "What brings you here?"

"I want to talk with you." When he sees Peeta, he stops dead in his tracks.

"Hi Gale," Peeta says in his ever-friendly way.

"Peeta," Gales responds with a short nod.

"Well…" I say. "Peeta, why don't you cut Gale a piece of cake?"

"I don't want any," Gale says, stepping further into the house. "'I love y-u."

"We ate the 'o'," I retort.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your love fest. So what's new with the star-crossed lovers of District 12? That's still how you're known in some of the districts. Did you know that? And people still ask if I'm Katniss's cousin."

"We're trying to get pregnant," I reply before Peeta can answer or Gale can continue his rant.

"Really? I thought you were never getting married, which obviously didn't happen how you planned, but how did Lover Boy here try to convince you to want to have babies?"

"You don't need to be so rude, Gale," I say, irritated by his strange behavior. "I haven't seen you for ten years and I don't need you to come back now!"

"Katniss, calm down, okay?" Peeta says in a soothing voice.

"Sorry, but no. Gale thinks he can just come waltzing back to 12 and expect everything to be just it was before our first games. No, it won't be like that. He killed my sister—"

"I did not kill Prim! I designed the bomb that killed her but I how in the hell was I supposed to know it would be used to kill so many children, including her?" Gale interrupts.

"Get out. Now," I say sternly.

"Sorry, Gale," Peeta says politely. "I think it'd be best if you left now."

"Whatever. I've met a great girl in 2 and we're going to get married!" Gale yells as he leaves.

"Why do I care?" I scream at the door.

"Calm down. He's gone. It's okay," Peeta says, rubbing my back. I begin to sob. "Let's go to bed, okay?"

"Okay." He brings me one of his shirts. I change, right there in the kitchen and I catch Peeta staring. He wants me. He needs me. I take his hand and we go upstairs to bed.

_My mom is holding Prim as a baby in our old house in the Seam. She looks so happy but she morphs into a mutated wolf from my first games. Then Gale and his mystery woman come up and give a silver parachute to Prim. I scream no as mockingjays surround me, singing Rue's four note signal. Just then Prim explodes into a million bloody roses. _

"NO!" I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart beating fast, nearly out of breath.

"It's just dream," Peeta murmurs as he holds me, rocking me back and forth. "It's okay. Everything will be alright. I promise." I begin to sob. "Everything will be alright. It's just a dream." He kisses me, on my head, on my cheek, on my eyelids, on my hair, my neck, my forehead, my chin. "It'll be okay. Don't cry." That just makes me cry harder.

I must've fallen asleep in his arms because when I wake up again, it's morning. Peeta is still lying next to me, even though he's awake. "Oh Peeta. Thank you for calming me down. It was an awful nightmare."

He kisses me passionately and I return the favor, intertwining my fingers in his hair. I want to go further so I unbutton his shirt and slide it off.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Peeta stops kissing me long enough to ask.

"Yes," I answer. "I want to."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N DON'T WORRY GUYS I WASN'T GOING TO PULL A SUZANNE COLLINS AND LEAVE SO MUCH UNANSWERED**

**Peeta's POV**

"Katniss!" I push her off of me. "Do you _know_ the possible consequences of you actions? Because I don't think you do."

"Oh Peeta, of course I do. That's why we're doing this!" she says, reaching back for me.

I stand up. "We aren't doing this because Gale pissed you off, okay? It's going to happen when it should. We're not doing it today," I say firmly as I put my shirt back on.

"It's not that!" she calls after me as I leave the room. "Peeta!" I don't believe her.

I go downstairs and start mixing the batter for pancakes. I hear the water rushing through the pipes, informing me that Katniss is showering. There's a knock on the door.

"Peeta, I'm so sorry about my son."

"Oh, Hazelle. I appreciate your apology but it's really not—"

"Gale is still really jealous and little bitter since Katniss chose you. He'll always think of Katniss as the one that got away."

"Is it true he's getting married soon?" I hear Katniss say behind me.

"No! He hasn't wanted anything to do with women since you chose Peeta and Madge, well, you know," Hazelle answers.

I turn to see a lone tear trickle down Katniss's cheek. I reach to wipe it away with my thumb, but she swats at my hand.

"I'm so sorry to make you cry!" Hazelle says, obviously feeling terrible.

"It's okay. It's just all the ones I loved…they aren't around anymore. All that's really around anymore is Peeta," she says, stepping next to me.

"I understand. I just want you to know how awful I feel about his treatment of you. That was unacceptable," Hazelle apologizes again.

"How do you know about it?" I ask, curious.

"Katniss told me," she confesses.

"But how? She never left the house?" I question.

"She called one of the phones where I clean for someone," Hazelle says.

"Katniss, you _told_ on Gale? You tattled on a thirty year old man!" I exclaim.

"I,I. Well technically yes, I did but—"

"Katniss, seriously?" I say.

"I just felt that Hazelle deserved to know what a, pardon my language, _ass_, her son was to you and I yesterday," I explains indignant.

"Katniss, I appalled by your behavior!" I complain.

"I'm just going… to go now…" Hazelle says cautiously, backing out the door.

"I can't believe you!" I say.

"I just, I just—" she stammers.

"You just what Katniss? What?"

"I'm really upset with Gale right now, okay?"

"Obviously," I say. My smartass seems to come out when I'm upset.

"He was just awful. And he lied, so that makes me feel both better and worse. By the way, you aren't helping!"

"You guys were always best friends, though. I don't see how that should really change," I say, confused.

"Would you just sneak up on Delly and then come by unexpectedly to insult her and her family? Why should Gale's and my relationship be any different? Because we didn't meet until we were older? Because we had been best friends when we were older? Because we were 'romantic'?" Katniss makes finger quotes in the air when she says 'romantic'. "Why should that be different?"

"Well, I just. I don't really—" Now I'm the one stuttering.

"You don't really what Peeta? Huh?" she says mocking me.

"You don't need to be a, a," I pause, searching for the right word.

"I don't need to be a _bitch_? Is that the word you're searching for?"

"You said it, not me."

"Ugh. I can't stand you sometimes, you know that Peeta Mellark?" she says, storming out the back door.

"Sometimes I wish I had gotten to finish strangling you!" I call after her. _Oh, shit. Did I really just say that? It's true, though, isn't it? But I still shouldn't have said it .Peeta, you are an idiot._


	11. Chapter 11

**Katniss's POV**

I make it outside just before the waterworks begin. I walk to the very edge of our yard and fall down facing away from the house. _Did he just say that he wishes he had strangled me? Did he really say that?_ I can't believe he would say that. Peeta, who's been in love with me since he was five, wished I was dead. This must be another one of his spells from the tracker jacker venom hijacking, right? But he hasn't had one of those in like three years. I look at the trees lining the end of our yard. Some are tall and green, some are short and fat, some lean in the wind, some are dead, some have leaves everywhere. Trees are like people, they're all different but they can live in harmony. When I'm studying a tree with red and orange leaves, despite it not being autumn, I noticed that the sky is becoming dark and stormy. Peeta's probably concerned. _Let him worry,_ I think. _Serves him right_. There's just one problem. I'm starting to get kind of hungry. I can't go inside though. _After all those years of starving, you can make it_, I remind myself. Thunder rumbles in the distance. _Let him worry about you, _I think.

"_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where they strung up the man they say murdered three_

_Strange things did happen here_

_In the hanging tree_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_" I sing softly to myself.

I can hear Peeta's loud tread coming up behind me. "Katniss," he says softly.

"I don't want to hear it."

"Katniss, please. Just listen to me."

"You said you wished I were I dead," I sob. A flash of lightning hits the sky.

"I didn't say that!"

"Maybe not exactly but…" The wind begins to roar and rain falls from the sky. Another rumble of thunder hits our ears.

"Can we please talk about this inside?""

"No," I say sternly, still hurt.

"Listen, baby," he says, sitting next to me.

"Peeta. I don't want to hear it. I just want to be by myself for a little," I say, turning away from him.

"I love you, but I just—"

"I said I don't want to hear it!"

"Can I just say it? You don't have to listen," he pleads.

"Fine."

"Katniss. I love you with all my heart. I always have. I just, I felt like you've been acting really weird lately. And instead of talking it out like the grown adults we supposedly are, I freaked out and we got into this mess. Can you forgive me?" he says.

Silence. I don't say anything and neither does he for a long time.

"Well, yeah. I guess you can be forgiven."

"Really?"

"Well sure," I say. "But I'm still mad at you."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too," I sob. "Oh, Peeta! I love you, and will always love you, my boy with the bread."

"Katniss Everdeen, girl on fire, gets a happy ever after," Peeta jokingly says to me. I lean on his shoulder and smile despite the storm. "Should we go inside?"

"No, that's okay. I kinda like the rain."

**Don't worry, I'm still not done.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Peeta's POV**

"While we're sharing heartfelt stories…" I begin.

"Peeta, I want to tell you, but I just don't know how."

"I just need to know, for my own sanity."

"You just don't get it, do you?"

"Obviously not, Katniss."

"Everyone that I've loved, I failed. I loved my father but what happened to him?" she starts.

"That wasn't your fault!"

"Rue. Where's Rue? Is she at home with her family, Peeta? I didn't think so."

"Katniss, Rue didn't die because—"

"Gale went away and when he came back, well." She gives a slight nod to the side.

"That's not your fault he was bitter," I say.

"But it is. Had I chose him over you…"

"Look me in the eye and say that it's your fault all of this happened."

"It's all my fault," she says, staring straight into my eyes.

"You really believe you caused all of this," I say.

"And I promised Prim. But she died."

"That was definitely not your fault!"

"And well, I just don't want to take that chance, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid I'll fail you and our kids as well," she confides.

"You could never fail me," I say. And it's the truth. "Can we please go inside now? I'm getting soaked!"

"Alright," she says.

Once inside, I fix us each a cup of tea and we curl up on the living room sofa. "Peeta," she begins.

"Katniss," I answer.

"I want you to know that you were right this morning."

"About what?"

"When you said that I only wanted to try because Gale made me mad."

"Oh," I say. "Let's just get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Katniss says, as we get up to go to bed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Katniss's POV**

That night, it's not me that has the nightmares but Peeta. He's thrashing around in bed, screaming. I put my hand on his back and begin sing him a lullaby.

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you." _He stops rolling around but he continues to scream. I kiss his cheek and he calms down slightly but I finish the song anyway.

"_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A new day Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you."_ Peeta stops screaming and begins to cry, the tears soaking his pillow. Despite my efforts, he won't wake up. "PEETA!" I scream. "PEETA WAKE UP!" I'm truly scared because normally he can wake up with just a gentle shake. "PEETA! PEETA! PLEASE WAKE UP!" I being to cry with him, scared. "PEETA!" I scream, shaking him, trying to wake him up. I rest my head on his chest and cry, the tears drenching his shirt. "Peeta. Please. Please wake up. I'm begging you."

"Katniss?" he finally answers. "What's wrong? Nightmares?"

"OH PEETA!" I say, wrapping my arms around him.

"What's wrong?" he says frantically.

"Peeta, _you_ had nightmares. "

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you were shaking and rolling around, fighting the air, screaming. Honest." He doesn't respond right away. "Peeta?"

"I don't remember that. I didn't dream at all," he says finally.

"I was scared! You wouldn't wake up!"

"Oh," is all he says. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Peeta, it's not your fault. You can't control it when you're asleep." I look at the clock. 5 am. We probably won't sleep much longer anyway. "I'll go make some breakfast. You do it all the time, it's my turn."

"Okay."

Downstairs, I hunt around the kitchen, looking for something I can make. We have some bread. I'll make us some toast. It can even be a symbol of our love—the girl on fire plus the boy with the bread equals toast. And it's just like the District 12 wedding symbol.

"Peeta?" I call. "Breakfast!" I stir our tea, and add some sugar to mine, but never Peeta's. He has little quirks like that. He likes to sleep with the window open, no sugar in his tea and he always double-knots his shoelaces, something I like to tease him about. We can't take the risk of our shoes coming untied! What if we trip?

"Good morning honey," he says pleasantly, giving me a kiss on the cheek, taking his tea.

"Morning." I grab our plates of toast and bring them to the table where Peeta's sitting.

"The girl on fire and the boy with the bread make toast," Peeta guesses with an eyeroll. "Or are you telling me we should get married again?"

"All we have is bread, okay?"

"So. About having kids—"

"Peeta. I told why I can't and why I don't want them. I'm sorry."

"Actually, I was going to say, let's not have any. It'd be too difficult to tell them about our past anyway," he says, taking a bite of his toast.

"You're right," I say, secretly wanting kids, the small part that wants them still growing inside of me. I stand up to put my dishes in the sink.

"Take mine?" he asks, handing me his.

"You're lucky I love you," I say, grabbing his plates. "I have to hang the laundry out to dry."

"I'll come outside with you," Peeta says, heading upstairs. "Let me shower first, okay?"

"I have to shower too, you know!" I call after him. I fill the sink with warm water and add some soap. I take a cloth and scrub the bread crumbs off of our plates. I run the cloth through the cups as water falls into it from the faucet. I didn't have running water until I moved into Victors' Village. It's a luxury I never forget. _I want kids, right? But I don't. I don't even know what I want, _I can't keep my mind from wandering to the depths of possibilities. Just now the phone rings. I dry off my hands and turn off the water. "Hello?" I say.

"Katniss! How are you?"

"Effie?" I say.

"Yes, who else?" she says.

"I just haven't heard from you in a while is all."

"Well the Capitol would love to see where the star-crossed lovers of District 12 are now."

"What do you mean?"

"Interviews, TV special, photo shoot. The works," she explains.

"We've been out of the spotlight since the wedding and would kind of like to keep it that way, sorry."

"Katniss! This isn't optional," she complains.

"I'd have to talk to Peeta so—"

"No! I need an answer _now_!"

"Sorry, Effie. I'll have to talk to him before I make any decision regarding our publicity," I say.

"KATNISS! NO—"

"Goodbye Effie," I say. "We'll keep in touch!" I hang the phone up.

"What was she calling about?" Peeta asks, coming up behind me.

"Oh, that," I say with a sigh. "Apparently the Capitol demands a television special involving the star-crossed lovers of District 12 and where they are now."

"Are we going to do it?" he asks.

"I don't know. I said I'd ask you about it."

"Well. Let's give the Capitol a show."

"Are you sure?" I ask in awe.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay then. I'm just going to take a quick shower."

"And I'll call Effie to confirm everything!"

"Great! She said she needed an answer '_now Katniss. This is very important!'_"

I can hear Peeta's throaty laugh as I climb the stairs. In our room I pick out a worn yellow dress and go into the bathroom to shower. I turn on the water to a perfect temperature before stripping down and getting in. I begin to sing _The Valley Song_.

"_Down in the valley, the valley so low_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_

_Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow._

_Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you,_

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you._

_Build me a castle, forty feet high;_

_So I can see her as she rides by,_

_As she rides by, dear, as she rides by,_

_So I can see her as she rides by._

_Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you,_

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you."_

"You sound even better in the shower," I hear Peeta say through the door.

"PEETA! Why are you listening to me through the door again?"

"Because you have a beautiful voice," he explains.

"Seriously?" I ask, slightly irritated with him.

"Oh come on!"

"Peeta, I am showering right now."

"I know," he says.

"Please let me shower in peace."

"Okay," he says. I stand still until I hear his footsteps going down the hall.

I finish up and then get out. I reach for a big soft towel to discover that all there is on the towel rack is a hand towel. _I can't dry off very well with that_, I think. I take it anyway and do my best to dry off. My hair is still really wet but I put on my dress and braid my sopping wet hair. I open the door and go across the hall to our bedroom. I open that chest and take the box with my keepsakes in it out. I find the locket Peeta tried to give me. I open it up and peel the picture of Gale out. I drop the picture in the chest and then put the locket back in the box and the box back in the chest. I'm through with him.

Downstairs I pick take a basket of wet laundry outside to hang on the clothesline, which is really just a piece of string tied to two trees. Peeta is already outside sitting on the grass against a tree, watching Haymitch's geese wander around. I set the basket down by the clothesline and sit beside him. "Did you call Effie?"

"Yes, she wants to begin first thing tomorrow. The camera crew, Effie, and some new prep team are on their way now, actually."

"Oh wow. She's big into this, isn't she?"

"Quite," he says.

"I better hang up this laundry, I guess," I say, getting up.

"Let me help you."

"Did you get any more details about our TV special?" I ask him.

"Yes, she wants to interview us, of course; Haymitch; herself, I'm not sure how she can interview herself unless someone does that part for her; Hazelle; and Gale if she could. She wants your mother but she says your mom refuses to leave the hospital for something so frivolous, to which Effie replied 'This isn't _frivolous_. It's necessary!'"

I laugh as I pick up a pair of Peeta's pants and hang them over the line. "Effie is sooo," I pause, searching for the right words.

"_Effie?_" Peeta suggests, hanging up a dress.

"Exactly."


	14. Chapter 14

**Peeta's POV**

"Katniss, wake up," I say, giving her a gentle shake.

"Mmmph."

"Effie and everyone will be here soon!"

"Ugh," she says, waking up. "This should be good."

"I made some pancakes, come eat before they arrive," I insist.

"Fine," she says, getting out of bed. We go downstairs and I give her some pancakes. "Peeta, these are delicious!"

"Thank you!" I say.

"Hello, hello! We have a big, big, day ahead of us!" We hear Effie come in.

"Ever heard of knocking?" I ask.

Ignoring my sarcastic comment, Effie examines the place. "We need to spruce this place up."

"Those are Peeta's paintings and I happen to think they are beautiful," Katniss says defensively.

"Katniss, go on upstairs. We're going to follow you though a day in the life. Our new prep team is going to put you at Beauty Base Zero. Peeta, I want you to clean up then you're going into that bathroom," she says, pointing at the downstairs bathroom "to be remade to Beauty Base Zero as well."

Once we're at Beauty Base Zero, we are instructed to go upstairs. "Get in bed, pretend to be sleeping. If you could be cuddling, maybe with your arms around each other or something," Effie suggests.

We climb into bed, and wrap my arms around Katniss. We close our eyes and pretend to asleep. Katniss turns and I open my eyes, trying my best to look like I just woke up. I can sense that Katniss is doing the same. "Good morning honey," I say, kissing the top of her head. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Effie swooning, she's so touched. And Capitol. Katniss looks at me and kisses me good morning.

"I love you," she says.

"PERFECT!" Effie shouts. "Turn off the camera. Let's go have breakfast."

"We already did," Katniss says.

"Well pretend. Okay, Katniss. I want you to be making some tea while Peeta pretends to make pancakes."

Pretend to make pancakes? What? "Um, I don't think I'm really a good enough actor for that," I say.

"Sure you are!" Effie declares. Why is she in charge of this anyway?

I take a tortilla that Effie hands me and stick it in a frying pan, and pretend it's a pancake.

"Fabulous!" Effie mouths at me front behind the camera.

"Mmm, that looks delicious, Peeta!" Katniss says, as she kisses my cheek. "I love your _pancakes_."

"Thanks, darling," I say, smiling at her.

"CUT!" Effie shouts. "KATNISS! WHY DID YOU SAY 'PANCAKES' WEIRD? NOW EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP!"

"Because I don't want to lie and say pancakes when it's actually a tortilla. Didn't they teach you that lying is bad in the Capitol?" Katniss answers. I try to hold back a laugh but fail.

"I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU PEOPLE! Forget the day in the life. They make it impossible," she complains.

I say, "Effie, how hard are we? We've only done one scene." I put my hand on her shoulder but she shrugs it away angrily.

"PEETA. YOU WERE THE GOOD ONE!" she exclaims, obviously infuriated. "Alright, let's do the interviews. We'll just have to add more questions to take up time." Katniss and I groan in unison. "You should have thought about that before you messed around," Effie retorts.

"Where do you want the interviews to take place?" I ask.

"The backyard, if we could."

"Works for me," Katniss says.

"_Wonderful_," Effie says in her most Capitol way possible. I roll my eyes.

Outside, I sit down against a tree next to Katniss. Effie sits in a very lady-like position to ask us questions. I smile at Katniss and she returns the favor. "I hope this goes well," she whispers to me.

"Me, too."

"So," Effie begins. "What have things been like for you since you got married?"

"Well," Katniss says, "We've been doing normal married couple things."

"Like, sex?" Effie says.

"Um," I say, my face turning bright red. I look at Katniss and hers is even redder.

"We don't release that information to the press," Katniss wittily responds.

"More like bickering, eating, running errands," I explain.

"So, no sex?"

"WHY ARE YOU DWELLING ON THAT?" I shout.

"CUT!" Effie exclaims.

"That's not very appropriate," Katniss says. "And very unlike you."

"That's what the Capitol wants to know!" she defends.

"And you know this how?" I ask.

"We took a poll."

"The citizens of the Capitol took a poll and the majority wanted to know about our sex life?" I ask.

"Well, yes," she says.

"What else did they want to know? We should be briefed on the questions before being forced to answer them," Katniss says.

"They want to know if you have kids, but that's a no."

"Anything else?" I ask.

"They would also like you two to recount your traumas for them," Effie says, quieting down at the end.

"NO. THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'VE GONE THROUGH AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO JUST SIT BACK AND TELL THEM HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD BEING FORCED TO KILL PEOPLE FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT THEN TALK ABOUT HOW SAD IT WAS THAT WE PILLAGED THEIR _BEAUTIFUL CITY_!" Katniss exclaims, furious.

"Calm down, honey," I say, rubbing her arm.

"I CAN'T CALM DOWN WHEN I'M SO MAD!" She screams.

"Er, Effie. Could you give us a short break?" I ask.

"Fine," she says, with a twist of her head that makes her wig tilt. She goes inside, likely to snoop and find out about our triggers to make more fun for the Capitol.

"Katniss, baby. Think about this. The sooner we get this stupid thing over with, the sooner it airs, the sooner people forget about it, okay?" I say gently.

"But it's just so _frustrating_. The Capitol is still so invasive. I can't seem to escape Snow's nosy wrath," she says.

"Snow is dead, he can't hurt you anymore," I assure her, rubbing her back.

"It's still so hard," she says.

"I know," I say. "Getting past the pain is impossible, I know. I still feel so sad and abused and hurt. I'm hardly even me anymore. I'm hanging to last shred of pre-games Peeta."

She throws her arms around my neck. "Don't let go."

"I guess we should continue with the interviews, get it over with."

"Yeah, you're right," she says as we stand up.

"Are you two done yet?" Effie asks shrilly.

"Yes," I say in monotonous voice.

"Great!" Effie is completely unaware of our irritation at her. "So, have you two thought about starting a family?"

"We have, actually," I say.

"We just can't decide. We're on again, off again. One day I want kids and Peeta doesn't, the next it's the opposite so we just decide to wait for a long while," Katniss explains further.

"I have always wanted kids whereas Katniss only decided recently that she wants them," I add.

"It's complicated," she says. "I want kids, but I can't because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Effie pries.

"Afraid I'll fail him or her. Afraid I'll fail Peeta," Katniss says.

"You could never fail me," I remind her. "I constantly remind you."

"I know, but it's still concerning for me. I love you, and don't want anything to hurt you," she admits.

"You think you failed everyone but you didn't," I insist. "Not even close."

A tear rolls down Katniss's cheek. "Prim. I volunteered for our first games to keep her alive. But in the end, she was gone too. Gale, I hurt him tremendously when I knew I could never survive without you. And now he's seeking his revenge. Rue died during our alliance. My mother couldn't stand to be near me because I'm just a ticking time bomb. Any minute I could explode and the world would fall down in shambles. It's a risk I'm just not willing to take."

"Katniss," I say softly. "I think you're perfect just the way you are. I also have and always will, you understand that, right?"

"I know you think that way, but I don't know how," she says.

I wipe a tear from her face. "Look at me. You are beautiful. You are incredible. You are brave. You are sexy. You are kind. You are perfection. Don't you ever forget that."

"CUT!" Effie calls, ending our heartfelt moment.

"We were having a moment!" I complain.

"Yes, well. Moments happen and then they end," she says flippantly.

"Ugh. Capitol people," Katniss says, accompanied by an eye roll and flip of her hair.

"Well," Effie says impatiently. "Go sit against that tree."

"Okay, okay. We're going," I say, sitting next to Katniss, her hand in mine.

"Who does the most cooking?" Effie asks.

"Probably Peeta," Katniss giggles. "I offer, but he doesn't want me to work too hard, even though a meal once in a while is pretty simple."

"I agree, but I just prefer for Katniss to do her own thing and have to worry about too much housework!" I explain.

"Do you ever regret get married, especially so young?" Effie questions.

I look at Katniss, remembering the time I implied that I wished she were dead. She remembers that part, too, I notice. "Actually," I begin. "There was one time where we had a spat, but otherwise, we're—"

"So happy, couldn't be better," Katniss interrupts.

"Can you tell us what it was like, being reaped for the first time and Peeta, being picked when Katniss was, knowing you would never be able to see her again?" asks Effie.

"Well," I say, "I was kind of upset that I'd never see her. And I knew I couldn't live without her."

"I only recognized him as 'Peeta Mellark, the boy who saved my life' and I was thinking, 'Hopefully someone else will kill him so I don't have to,'" Katniss adds. "But the odds hadn't been in my favor so far. But it turned out alright." She kisses my forehead.

"What was it like in the arena?" Effie asks.

"I was going to do whatever it took," a lump forms in my throat, "to keep her alive."

"At first, I didn't care, as long as I won. But I fell in love with him." She begins to weep. I rub her back. "You're better than I deserve."

"No," I promise her. "It isn't about deserving. I love you and you love me. That's all that matters."

"PERFECT!" Effie shouts. "CUT!"

"Every time?" I ask, annoyed by Effie's talent to ruin any special moments we might have.

"Yeah, Effie? Why?" Katniss puts in.

"That's confidential, sorry," she answers.

"Did we get enough stuff?" I ask.

"I guess it'll have to do. I need to interview other people, though. It'll air sometime next week," Effie promises.

"Alright then," Katniss says.

"Goodbye, Effie!" I call, shooing her over to Haymitch's house.

"Um, bye," Effie replies.

"C'mon," I say, putting my arm on Katniss's shoulder. "Let's go inside."

"Peeta," she says. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Go ahead, anything," I say, prepared for her speech on not having children.

"I think I want to have a baby with you."

"Really?" I ask, skeptical. "What influenced your decision?"

"Nothing, really. I just like the idea of junior Peetas running around the place. It'd be nice."

"Are you serious?" I ask, just to be sure.

"Yes, of course I'm serious." I just stare at her. "Peeta? Peeta? Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely," I say, shaking my head. "So you…want kids?"

"Yes, I do."

"Positive?"

"Are you trying to talk me out of it?" Katniss asks.

"No, of course not, just, are you sure?"

"YES I AM SURE OKAY PEETA?"

"Alright, let's do this then," I say, herding her inside.

"Yes, let's."

We go inside and she jumps into my arms, kissing me, her legs wrapped around my waist. I carry her upstairs like that and he runs her fingers through my hair. I take out her braid and we flop on the bed.

**Okay, should I make the sex scene more or leave it be?**


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm glad you guys didn't want much because it sucked. A lot. So I just cut it out, sorry if you were really looking forward to it like a weirdo.**

**Katniss's POV**

I can't believe it. I'm going to be a mother. Peeta is still sound asleep and I only just woke up, to the amazement of our future. I can't wait. Peeta's going to be so happy. We're going to have a family. Thinking about it now, I can see why so many people want children. It's a wonderful feeling to know that you are creating life. Peeta rolls over next to me.

"Baby, we did it," he says.

"I know."

"We're going to have a baby."

"We are," I repeat.

Two weeks later, I wake up feeling nauseous. I'm about to vomit. Throwing back the covers, I jump out of bed and make it to the bathroom just in time. I throw my hair over my shoulders and lean over the toilet. _Gross_, I think.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks. "Are you okay?"

"I'm pregnant," I say, smiling, despite the vomit likely stuck in my teeth.

"Close your mouth before I have to join you," he says playfully disgusted.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"I'm going to start breakfast while you brush your teeth."

"I think I'll pass on breakfast today, actually," I say. "I don't really want anything to come up again."

"I understand," Peeta says, heading towards the door. "More for me, I guess!"

"Go on," I say, waving him out of the bathroom. I stand up and take my toothbrush and some toothpaste from the cabinet. I wet the brush under the faucet. I'm still always thankful for the running water. I squirt a bit of toothpaste onto the brush and go crazy, trying to get all the vomit and it's nasty taste as far from my mouth as possible. I'll have to get a new toothbrush. _While I'm in here I might as well take a shower_, I think. I check to make sure there's a towel on the rack and start the water. I step into the heavenly warmth. _I'm going to be mom. The first footsteps, the first words, the first day of school, all of the exciting things to look forward to. _ I put some shampoo in my hand then massage it into my hair. I rinse and add some conditioner. Taking the bar of soap, I wash my stomach gently. As I get out of the shower, I hear Peeta's footsteps in the office. I dry off and make the mad dash from the bathroom to our bedroom, wrapped in a towel.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I call back, putting on some shorts and a red cotton shirt. "I'm just getting dressed. Be out in a minute!"

"Okay. Hurry up!"

I step out of the room and peek in the office. "Peeta?" I call. No answer. Entering the office, I look around, trying to find him. "Peeta?" He was just in there. Where could he have gone?

"Ow! Argh," I hear him say. Following the sound of his voice, I go downstairs.

"Peeta?" I call out, worried. "Where are you?"

"Ow, dammit!"

"Peeta? Are you okay?" I shout. His voice leads me to the basement. What on earth is he doing down there?

"We need to clean this out!" Peeta shouts.

"Peeta! I'm coming!" I scream, running down the stairs into a dimly lit mess. There's all kinds of things just lying around. Old boxes are stacked sloppily in a corner, rusty nails litter the floor.

"Ow! We need to pick up these nails. They keep stabbing me!" He complains.

"Peeta! You cannot be barefoot down here! You're going to get really sick if the nails penetrate your skin!"

"Sorry," he mumbles, doing a skip-hop maneuver to reach the stairs where I'm standing without stepping on anymore nails.

"Come on," I say, grabbing his wrist. "I'm taking you to the hospital. Now."

"Is it really that bad?" he asks pitifully.

"You could die. I would consider that pretty bad." I lead him to kitchen and make him get on the counter so I can see his feet. I wash them with warm water and soap then put some antiseptic on it. I wrap his feet in bandages. "Put on some shoes, we're going."

"But you just fixed me up pretty well," he protests. I give him a stern look. "Oh, alright."

"Why were you in the basement anyway?" I ask.

"Well I was trying to see what we had down there to gauge how difficult it would be to finish it like the rest of the house."

"Why would we need it? We have plenty of space," I counter, stepping into the summery air.

"Maybe a playroom and an bigger office, add a guest room," he suggests.

"How about we focus on the nursery first," I say, giggling.

"Okay." We walk in silence until we reach the hospital that was built when twelve was redone. Even after ten years it's still nowhere near done. The necessities were built first, a hospital, a market place and a school. They're building a clothing shop right now so people don't have to make their own for much longer. Fabric is available in the marketplace but my mother sends me clothes and Effie likes to send me Capitol clothes, which are hidden in the back of the closet since I will never wear them. Ever.

I open the door of the hospital and shoo Peeta inside. I stride up to front desk. "Excuse me, but is there a doctor available?"

"No, I'm afraid not," the receptionist says, not looking up.

"It's urg—" I begin.

"Oh, Mrs. Mellark, I'll see what I can do for you!" she says, looking up at me.

"Um, okay." I hate being treated like a celebrity sometimes. It's all fine and dandy for emergencies but when they rush me in to see a doctor who is already busy with a patient when I come in for a regular check-up, that's when it's gone too far. I have no problem waiting like anyone else.

"Dr. Schumaker can see you now," the receptionist says to me.

"Well, actually it's not for me, it's for my husband," I explain.

"No problem," she says cheerfully. "You two can go on in now."

I gesture at Peeta to go into the back hallway with me so we can go to Dr. Schumaker's office.

"Katniss and Peeta!" he says in his deep, booming voice as he enters the room.

"Hello doctor," I say politely, standing to shake his hand.

"Nice to see you," Peeta says, raising a hand in greeting.

"What are we here for?" Dr. Schumaker asks me.

"Well Peeta, the genius that he is, decided he was going to try and clean the basement. Barefoot," I explain. "We didn't know that we had rusty nails down there and he stepped on some. I tried to clean him up as best I can."

"We let's take a look," the doctor says, easing Peeta's shoes and socks off.

"Ow," Peeta winces.

"Sorry," Dr. Schumaker apologizes. Unwrapping the bandages, Dr. Schumaker examines the cuts. "Well, Katniss you did well cleaning up the cuts but we should still give him a tetanus shot, to be on the safe side."

"Shot?" Peeta asks, slightly alarmed.

"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt much," I assured him.

"Much?" he says, more alarmed.

"I'll be back with the needle," Dr. Schumaker says, leaving the room.

"Needle?" Peeta says, petrified.

"It'll be okay baby. Don't worry. It really won't hurt, I promise. It's better than being sick. And I can't bear to lose another one I love," I say.

"I have the shot right here!" Dr. Schumaker arrives in the room with a bandage and a tube with a needle sticking out of one end and a button on the other end. "It won't hurt you too much."

Peeta's eyes grow to the size of plates and take his hand in mine. "You can squeeze my hand if it hurts."


	16. Chapter 16

**Peeta's POV**

A few weeks after my tetanus shot, which still haunts me, Katniss decides we could start on the nursery. I don't think we should quite yet. It's still very early in her pregnancy.

"Please?" she begs.

"Isn't it a little early? We don't even know if it's a boy or a girl!" I protest, even though I know Katniss will win in the end.

"We can make it gender-inspecific," she retorts.

"Katniss, really? You're barely in your first trimester!" I look around the empty room. White walls. White carpet. Bare window. This room could use some help. It will end up as the nursery eventually so we could get started sooner and it will look nicer.

"Oh come on, it'll be great. You can paint a nice little mural," Katniss promises.

"Fine," I say begrudgingly. I lost an argument to Katniss once again. Going to the office, I retrieve some paint and when I come back to the room Katniss has a measuring tape and furniture catalog. "What on earth?"

"Just measuring for the crib, and the changing table and—"

"We need a changing table?" I ask.

"And an armoire and a rocking chair and—"

"I think just a crib will fit in here."

"Don't be silly. That's why I have the measuring tape." She treats me like I'm an idiot sometimes, even though I know it's playful and out of love…right?

"Whatever," I say, opening a can of paint. It's sky blue. I'm going to make the mural of me, Katniss and our child. We'll be walking through the woods. I begin to paint one wall entirely blue.

"What do you think of this one?" Katniss says, pointing to something in the catalog.

"I don't know, you pick something."

"They have to fit _and _match," Katniss mutters to herself. "Hey, what if we put the crib against the mural and then have the rocking chair next to it. On the opposite wall can the changing table and then the wall with the window can have the armoire."

"Fine, whatever. Are you _positive_ it will fit?" I ask.

"I measured and they fit."

"What do they look like?" I wonder aloud.

Katniss begins describing the sets in vivid detail. "The crib has a headboard that is curved at the top and has a, primrose, engraved on it. The bars are perfect cylinders with a cylinder resting on top. The footboard is curved like the headboard but there is no engraving. The feet on the crib are like little claws, like a bathtub." I step back to admire the wall. It just has to dry for me to add on the next layer—the trees. "The changing table also has a primrose engraved on the headboard with cabinets on the left and right on the bottom. The feet are the same as the crib and it has two drawers beneath the table and an open cabinet underneath the drawers." I look at Katniss while the paint dries. Her hair falls in waves down her back. Her bare feet sink into the plus white carpet. The breeze from the window ruffles her tank top and her grey-green shorts end in the middle of her thigh. I admire her stomach in awe of the life growing inside. "—and the armoire is five feet tall, with plenty of space and two rods inside. There are a set of four drawers, two rows of two beneath the closet part. The whole set is…_mahogany_." The way she throws her head back when she laughs overwhelms me.

"It sounds great," I say, wrapping my paint-spattered arm around her waist as she giggles. "Are you _sure _it fits?"

"Of course, that's why I measured it, silly." She flips the page in her catalog. "Oooh, this curtain rod matches the set. It looks like a branch, the way the ends spread out. It even has little green leaves on it!"

"Let me see," I say, taking the catalog. "That looks really cool!"

"What should we do for the bumper and sheets? And we need some curtains for that cool rod," Katniss asks.

"I don't know, you pick something," I say.

"Stop being so passive! I chose the furni_ture_, you choose the furni_shings_."

"Kat_niss_," I plead. That isn't really my thing.

"Pee_ta_," she mimics.

"Fine." I shoot a glare at her. "How about these nice white ones? It would look really crisp against the wood."

"Let me see," she says, taking the catalog. "Lace? Really Peeta?"

"What?"

"What about this white one," she says, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "The sheet is fitted, and solid white. It's silk and the set has something from each district. How cool is that?"

"Very," I say absentmindedly, trying to find the perfect shade of green for the forest.

"The bumper is 100% cotton and has scenery embroidered on it, trees, a lake, farmland. It's so pretty. There's even a couple boats on the lake. I still need to find some drapes. Maybe some colored ones. How does yellow sound? Peeta?"

"Oh, yeah. Umm, what?"

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Yeah of course, I just…" She shoots me a look that makes me sorry. "I just wanted to make sure the forest was perfect."

"Oh, okay. So, yellow curtains?"

"I don't know," I say honestly. I begin to paint the greenery.

"Maybe…sunset orange?" she says suggestively.

"That'd be nice."

"'Sheer curtains available in your choice of baby blue, red, soft pink, sunset orange, yellow, dark blue, white, grey or green. They are available in 54", 63", and 84" sizes,'" she reads off the page.

"Sunset orange of course. I don't know about length though."

"Well we don't want the baby getting caught in the curtains so about—" she measures how tall the window is—"the fifty-four inch size? It goes just below the windowsill."

"Perfect."

"I'll be right back," she says, racing out the room. I hear the bathroom door shut. While I'm perfecting the forest, I hear it.

Katniss's shrill scream.

**Sorry it's not very long!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and I got some **_**really **_**good and helpful constructive criticism and it would be even better to get more so R&R please!**

**Katniss's POV**

Sitting on the cool tile floor, my bloody shorts around my ankles, I can hear Peeta calling out in concern for me. "Katniss? Are you okay? Where are you?" I pull my knees up to my chest.

I just can't believe it. I lost the baby. I peer over the toilet to see a bloody mess. My baby is in there. The baby it took so much for me to want. Now it's gone. Now _he or she _is gone. Peeta's loud footsteps are approaching the door. "Katniss?"

"What?" I ask, frustrated by my loss.

"Can I come in?" I unlock the door and return to my seated position on floor.

He opens the door. "What's—oh."

"Peeta! I lost the baby! _Our_ baby." I can see him holding back tears, just like I am. "Gone. Forever."

"Oh, Katniss, I'm so sorry." Peeta sits down beside me.

"I knew something would happen. Life wasn't going to leave me in peace for long. Now I've failed you, our…"I pause. "Baby."

"You didn't fail anyone," he says, putting his arm around my shoulders. "These things happen and it isn't your fault. It's no one's fault."

"I'm sorry," I mumble, hoping he won't hear.

"Why won't you believe me when I say there is nothing to be sorry about?"

"I still don't deserve you."

"Come on," he says, standing up. "Change your clothes and I'll call the doctor." He holds out a hand to me. I take it and make it to my feet. Peeta leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. I stand up. I pull up my pants and go to our bedroom where I pull out some fresh clothes to change into. Once I'm changed, I go to the hall closet and get the cleaning supplies. The bathroom needs to be cleaned up. I take the bleach, a sponge, toilet brush and some rags. In the middle of scrubbing the floor, Peeta calls to me. "Hey, Katniss? We're going to the doctor right now! Come down, okay?"

"Be there in a minute!" I call, rinsing the sponge and wiping down the floor so I don't have bleach just sitting there. Downstairs I see Peeta waiting patiently by the front door. I hurry so as to not keep him waiting.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Outside, everything seems so normal, as if I were still pregnant, though most people didn't even know. After Effie's television special, everyone knows we're thinking about it, but they don't know it happened. We walk everywhere still. Everyone does. We don't have cars in the districts still. We make it to the hospital in just ten silent minutes, hand in hand.

"Katniss Mellark," I say to the receptionist. "I believe I have an appointment with Dr. Schumaker."

"Yes, you do. You can go on back now," she says, never looking up from her computer screen. I motion for Peeta to follow me and we enter the back where all the rooms are. We look at the doors to see Dr. Schumaker's name on them. When we find the one, I knock on the door and push it open. There's his nurse, Alexa, sitting on a stool waiting patiently for our arrival. I like her. She's originally from twelve, and came back after the rebellion like so many others. She has the seam look about her but she's older than me, and we never had never spoken before.

"I understand you had a miscarriage? Or so Mr. Mellark tells me," she says in her nasally voice. I nod somberly. "Well I just need to check your vital signs and then I'll go get the doctor for you." She checks my hear rate. "Seventy bpm, not bad. Open wide." Alexa checks my throat with a shiny light, then my nose, eyes and ears. "Looks good. I'll send the doctor in."

After she leaves, Peeta lets out a long breath. "Were you holding your breath?" I ask.

"I was afraid there might be something wrong with you." I roll my eyes.

"I can handle it, thanks."

"I'm sorry for being a concerned husband," he says sarcastically. I playfully slap his shoulder when the doctor walks in.

"Katniss," he says. "I'm sorry to hear what happened. Most people didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"Well it was very early term," Peeta points out, reminding me of how unsuspecting we were just earlier today.

"Thank you for getting us in so soon," I say, looking around the room. There are some plant charts on the walls, why I don't know. I spot nightlock on one of the charts. There's a calendar still showing last month in the corner.

"Anything for the mockingjay," the doctor says courteously. _Ugh_, I groan mentally. _It's been ten years people. It's over. _

"So is there anything you can do to tell us why this happened?" Peeta asked, filling the soon-to-be awkward silence.

"We can do an autopsy on the fetus, if you still have it," Dr. Schumaker says to Peeta. The look on Peeta's face directs the question to me.

"Um," I say, my face turning red. "I haven't flushed it yet."

"I'll have someone fish it out later and bring it in then. It may be too early to tell. These things happen sometimes and no one knows why," Dr. Schumaker points out.

"Okay then," I say, set to leave.

"Wait—I have to make sure it wasn't _you _that went wrong," he says.

"Oh?" I ask.

"Come. Sit on the bed, please," the doctor requests.

I hate hospitals. After the games and being in thirteen, I _hate _hospitals. Their florescent lights, pastels and uncomfortable chairs irk me. The paper covering the beds always rips anyway. And they always reek of bleach and cleaning supplies. I hate how hospitals smell so _clean_. It bothers me. I climb onto the bed anyway.

"Have you been doing anything unusual or that may affect your pregnancy?" he asks.

"Um, I've still been hunting, if that's bad."

"Describe your hunting, please," the doctor asks politely.

"Well, I shimmy under the fence, then go on a reasonable distance and climb a good tree until I can easily spot and shoot something. "

"Mmmhmmm," he murmurs. "That could be potentially threatening for the fetus but that alone couldn't have caused it. Have you been eating anything out of the ordinary?"

"No, just whatever I hunt and Peeta bakes, as always."

"Is everything cooked well done?" he asks.

"Yes," I say slowly. He walks over to me and begins pressing on different parts of my abdomen.

"Okay," he says. Dr. Schumaker takes his stethoscope to hear my breathing. "You seem alright. Have you been stressed?"

"No more than a normal pregnant woman, I'd say," I answer.

"The only thing you could've done to cause it was hunting but I don't think that alone did it. The baby might not have stuck. Sometimes it just doesn't work and you have to try again," the doctor says.

"Okay," Peeta speaks for the second time since the doctor came in.

"You can leave now, and good luck," he says, exiting the room.

"You ready?" Peeta says, taking my hand.

"As I'll ever be."

On the way home, we talk about pointless little details, like what we should have for dinner or how old Finnick Jr. has gotten and that we ought to visit them. I know Peeta is just trying to distract me from the day's events. He opens the front door and the phone is ringing.

"Hello?" I answer it.

"Finally. I've been calling you for the past half hour."

"Johanna?" I say in disbelief.

"Yeah, who else. How come I had to find out about your life from some TV show?"

"That just aired in seven recently?"

"No, I just never got around to calling you is all."

"Oh."

"But when I found _this _out, I picked up the phone immediately," she says on the other line.

"Found what out?" I ask cautiously.

"That you're knocked up for real this time!"

"Oh. That. You see," I say, my eyes tearing up. "I lost the baby this morning."

"Oh. Another 'miscarriage,'" she says, trying to lighten the mood.

"For real," I say into the phone.

"I'm coming to your aid!" Johanna calls.

"No, that's not necessary." Peeta gives me a look. "Johanna," I mouth to him. That seems to explain it all. "So. How'd you find out anyway?"

"Word travels fast when the star-crossed lovers are having babies."

"Oh. Well how's life for you?" I ask casually, drying my tears with the back of my hand, moving on.

"It's pretty good. I don't leave my house much that much though. My only friends live in different districts so," she says.

"I understand. We should get together," I say. "All of us."

"There's not many of us left to get together," Johanna points out.

"Well me, you, Peeta, Annie, and Finnick Jr. are gonna have a great time together."

"You usually aren't the kind to organize these get-togethers," she says.

"Oh come on. I need to my mind off of this baby. I'll have nightmares and fall into a depression and I'll have to ignore Dr. Aurelius again."

Johanna laughs, "Okay then. I'm free just about always."

"Alright then," I say, a smile back on my face. Johanna can do that to a person. Or she can take the mouth right off of them. It depends on her mood.

"Bye," she says.

"Bye." I hang up the phone.

"What did she want?" Peeta asks.

"Nothing really. We're planning a get-together for us, Jo, and Annie and Finnick Jr."

"Really?"

"Yes," I say.

"You aren't that kind of—"

"I know, I know," I say, cutting him off. "I still want to have something to distract me. Hunting's great and will clear my mind, but I can't hunt 24/7, though I'd like to."

"Go right ahead," he says.

"I'll call Annie and see what works for her," I say, turning back to the phone. Dialing Annie's number, I pull the phone cord to the nearest chair, stretching it to capacity.

"Hello?" Someone other than Annie answers the phone.

"Um, this is Katniss Mellark, is Annie home?"

"Oh, yeah. Just a sec," the voice says. "_Mom_!" He shouts. It must be Finnick Jr.

"Oh, Katniss, hi!" Annie says cheerfully.

"How are you?" I ask.

"Fine, thanks. And you?"

"Good," I say. "Listen, Johanna and I are planning a get-together. We would love for you an Finnick to join us!"

"But—"

"I know, I know, I'm not the 'planning' type."

"Oh," she says. There's silence on the other end.

"Hello?"

"I'm here."

"So what days work for you?" I ask.

"Well Finnick starts school in September so any time before that I think we're good."

"Great. How's August 1st sound? Until we're sick of each other?"

"Sounds good! Where will it be?" she asks.

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

"Okay then," she laughs.

"I let you know as soon as I do," I say.

"Bye!"

"Bye!" I get up and put the phone back on its receiver. "_Peeta!"_

"I'm right here," he says behind me.

"Ah!" I jump. "How long were you there?"

"Like two minutes."

"Oh," I say. "Well, we need a place to have this party."

"How does here sound?"

"Do we have room for everyone? I mean we need Johanna, Annie, and Finnick Jr. They all need their own room."

"There's still some empty houses. What if they all shared a house?" He's right. Only the Hawthornes, Haymitch, Greasy Sae, and Peeta and me live in the Village still. That leaves a few empty houses.

"Okay then. Do you think they're in any condition to be lived in?"

"I'll try to get someone to clean them out."

"Great," I say. We can see all of our old friends. The ones we like anyway.


End file.
